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Answer-Grieving

Losing someone that we truly care about is one of the hardest things in life. It is like losing part of who we are. We feel incomplete; it seems like there is a part of us missing. We feel broken, forsaken, unloved and sometimes even disrespected, not necessarily by people but by life and even by God. We can feel like God has turned against us and is just trying to hurt us, or even destroy us. How could God, who loves us, take someone so special and important from us? It often feels like we are stripped of our humanity, we no longer fit with the rest of humanity, and there is no reason to go on in life. It seems so hopeless. We often feel guilty for not having done more to help the one we lost, or we wish we could have a bit more time to just have a proper goodbye. If any of this is you, I want you to keep in mind a couple of things that I hope will help you.

1. It is normal

We sometimes feel guilty for grieving or for feeling weak, especially that we cannot be strong for our family and friends. Grieving is normal, it is part of life. God made us not only to share our lives with each other but to interweave our lives with each other. That is what relationships do, they intertwine our lives in every aspect: emotions, character, dreams, time. It is an integrating of lives, and it demonstrates what God wants to do with people. He not only wants to know about us and for us to know about Him, but He wants to be entrenched into our lives to the point where we can never be separated from Him again. When we grieve the loss of someone that was part of our lives, we must remember that it is normal; we are incomplete without those that are part of our lives. They were not only in our lives but part of them. Most importantly, we must remember that God is seeking to be so intertwined into our lives that we are incomplete without Him.   

2. It is temporal

When we grieve, it feels like it will never end, but it is temporal. Life is never the same after grief, but it can again be normal. It is somewhat like moving from a life of law to a life of grace. Law is structural, orderly and firm. We know the rules, the ways and the structure. We know what to expect, and likewise we know that those whom we love will be there for us, they will support us and bring boundaries into our lives. It is like living by law; it seems so sure, but grace is different. It fills the gaps in our lives, it is like a glue that holds us together where we are broken. The great thing about grace is that it is much stronger than what we could ever be naturally, it is even much stronger than law. Our brokenness actually becomes our strength, and we become people that can help others. That is one of God’s purposes for all of this. Death is never God’s ultimate will. He died so that we could have eternal life and did not have to die anymore, but He uses physical death in our lives for us to become a people that have His grace manifested in and through our lives. The question is this, are you willing to enter into a life of grace?

CLICK-Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” 

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3. It is beneficial

CLICK-Romans 8:28-33, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.”

God does not do or even allow anything in the lives of His children that is not for their good. He has a plan for His people, to transform them into the image of Jesus Christ. If you allow God to work in your life during this time of grieving, you will quickly become more like Jesus Christ, and many people will be blessed through your life. Remember, it is temporal.

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4. Read the Psalms 

The Psalms are written for this purpose; they are written by hurting people expressing their deepest longings, needs and desires to God, but the greatness about the Psalms is that they always give God’s answers to these prayers. They are not the unanswered cries many people have, but hurting and needy people communicating with God, and what He says to them in return. They are not only offer comfort but also great teachings to help in all aspects of life.

5. Spend time with people

Grieving people often want to find other grieving people to spend time with, but grieving is a process to get focused again. Spending time with people that have already gone through such times is much better than only seeking people in the same situation as you are; it is like taking medication during sickness. The best people to seek counsel from are those that have gone through a similar situation and have a developed life of grace, for they can relate but are not speaking from a hopeless state. Their grief has already become their strength. Like the greatness of the Psalms being that the prayers also have the answers recorded, people who have learned to continue their lives after grief and suffering are a great comfort to those who are hurting. 

CLICK-II Corinthians 1:3-11 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort, too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him, we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.” 

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6. Occupy in a purpose 

Families, especially married couples, often share the same purpose, even when they have different careers, and when one passes away there seems to be no more purpose in life. But, we must have a purpose in life for us to live it to its fullness. If you feel hopeless, please seek a work — a ministry — that will give you purpose and help to bring balance to your life again. 

You may be going through a very difficult time, but remember, you are not alone. God is waiting to hear from you. There are also people who have gone before you and can be a great blessing to you. Find a good Christian church; there you can find godly people who will bless your life.